Champions **2/5 stars

I just recently read an article in the New York Times about living ironically and how it's not impressive. I had to check myself when I started to write this review. 

I've realized the only reason my friends and I go to Champions is because we think it's hilarious to stroll our skinny white butts into a dive bar on Lake Street that's mostly frequented by semi-retired pimps, drug dealers and thugs to just "see what happens." Cuz you know something is bound to happen. You could get asked to a movie by Darryl, who's in a wheelchair because he was shot six times. Or be told to "watch yo ass, Snowflake" by a diva who doesn't understand why you sang Duran Duran on soul train karaoke night. Or you might be propositioned by someone who wants to pay you $100 to suck on your toes. Yes, Champions is colorful, and we really don't have any business being there. That being said, let's get to the review.

As you can see, the place is pretty much falling apart. And while there is plenty of square footage here, I wouldn't recommend renting the "banquet rooms" for your next big event, unless that event is "my uncle just got out of prison."

This is the walkway between the bar and the "banquet" room. Needs some Mr. Clean.

I was enticed by the $2.50 bloody marys, but it's not like I can't afford them at regular price. They're actually pretty great. I'd compare them to Liquor Lyle's quality. Note to self: review Liquor Lyle's.

 The food is not exciting. Most of it comes from a deep fryer or a greasy griddle. 

 

Here's the french toast. Plain but totally adequate.

 

And the omelette with browns and ham...

 

And if your arteries are still free flowin', get yourself some chili cheese fries and some chicken tenders...

Look over yonder, it's a white castle!

Where's the security in this place???

Okay, despite all my criticisms I have to pay respect the regulars lining the bar; the bartender with her eyebrows drawn in dramatic arches; the bouncer in his inconspicuous t-shirt. Even though my spoiled white ass doesn't understand, this place means something to them. It's friends; it's family; it's refuge from the stress of everyday life. Who am I to judge? And why would I expect anything more than adequate here. Respect, Champions, respect.