Liquor Lyles **2/5 stars

I don't know. This is the worst rating I've ever given and it just doesn't seem right, because Lyle's is so dear to my heart. But they effed up my bacon and I'm pissed.

So why do we love Lyle's? Is it the fantastic sparkly red booths? The colorful clientelle? The smell of stale beer and bleach in the morning? 

NO! IT'S THE MUTHA EFFIN TWO FOR ONES! Dos por uno! All day long, son. Well, almost. I think they take a break between 6 and 9pm due to MPLS city law. Offering 2'fers all day would just ruin society. These bloodies are Worcestershire-laden legends. They tell the story of brunches past when we would roll in at noon and roll out at 4pm with squinty eyes and fuzzy brains. Yes, Lyle's can be a trap. And by trap, I mean a magical place where time stands still and the drinks keep on comin.

Even though I don't really want to, let's talk about the breakfast food. This is about as basic as it gets. Pick a meat to go with your eggs and call it a day. The potatoes obrien are good enough that they almost make up for the fact that they're not hashbrowns. AND your breakfast entree comes with, you guessed it, a breakfast beverage of your choice. 

You can't tell from the photo, but that bacon was WAY over done. Criminal.

Nicki got the quesadilla. Exciting, I know...

Let's have another round!

 

3 drinks + some crusty bacon = $12.58. Not bad.

One of these cold winter days, hole up at Lyle's and forget life for a while. That's an order.

Longfellow Grill ***3/5 stars

Oh, good morning! Yeah, it's morning somewhere, you jerk. Welcome to Longfellow Grill, a place where weekdays are tolerable, because happy hour starts at 8am.

Still, there's something odd about this place that I can't put my finger on. It might be the overtly family-friendly atmosphere. Kinda feels like a classier version of Perkins. Don't get me wrong. I'm completely okay with that. Perkins 2 Eggs Combo breakfast platter has a special place in my heart. A special drunken college kid at 3am kind of place. Followed closely by Bitchen Kitchen's Denver Omelette.

This might be my first Bad Eggs brunch that happened on a Friday morning. And what a glorious morning it was. I was escorted by Nicki squared, which was cool cuz "other" Nicky hustles plates there on a semi-regular basis.

Cheers-ing to happy hour.

AWESOME bloody

The menu is pretty substantial...hashes, omelettes, frittatas, benny's, mexican stuff and sweet stuff. No Chicken Fried Steak, but whaddarya gonna do? I'd love to tell you we tried everything, but since the wonder twins ordered the same thing, you get to hear about two dishes. The Famer's breakfast...which is basic: hashbrowns, scrambies, Tilamook and caramelized onions.

And the meatloaf hash. Meat and loaf are two words I typically don't like to put together, but when married with two over easy and smothered with hollandaise, magic happens.

Surprise! Pumpkin waffles Brunchitizer™! Oh, look, there's some bacon, too!

The conversation turned to plans for the evening. Rumor was that Prince was hosting a PJ party at Paisely. We ordered another screw driver and looked up his new video online. Terrible. But it's Prince, so we forgive him. Later we would discover the trials and tribulations of a 5am Prince concert. Breakfast can wait, and so can all y'all bitches! I'm getting too old for that sh*t, but it was pretty awesome.

Prince is looking more like a teenage girl every day.

 I'll take you out with a couple more...

The spaceous patio.

The award wall.

Dickhead.