Nighthawks **2.5/5 stars

Striaght up: Nighthawks is overrated. This is the story of how I came to loathe one of the most popular spots in my hood run by one of the most popular chefs in town. And then how I changed my mind. Kind of.

So, it's not the layout or decor that bums me out. It's a sunny diner with a wrap-around bar, big comfy booths and a diner-style bar facing the cooks. Be warned, this is not a place for parties of 6 or more. Pick your company wisely.

My view from my chair. Not the most glorious...

Nighthawks is a contemporary diner concept with creative diner-style dishes, already famous for their foot-long hot dogs and pancakes served all day. Sounds like my dream come true. But...

Sorry friends, you won't be getting a bloody mary here. The Michelada (aka bloody beer) is a sad watered-down replacement. The first time I ate here, I was on week three of sober October. Maybe I was feeling a little tense. Maybe a little rage-y. And the OJ was NOT cuttin' it. It's that thick, syrupy from-concentrate bullshit.

So my first run at breakfast was the classic: eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, toast, gas station OJ. Nicki says you can always judge a place by its classic. Simple, but amazingly easy to screw up. So it wasn't that they necessarily screwed this up, but it's just not what I expected from a modern diner. Old diners, or "greasy spoons" were just that. Food service truck staples drowned in grease on a flat top and flung at you by some old woman named Laverne who hasn't smiled in 30 years. Save for Laverne this is the greasiest breakfast that has ever been laid before me.

You wouldn't expect peanut butter chocolate chip pancakes to be light breakfast... But these were smothered in half a jar of peanut butter with whipped cream AND syrup. Goodbye skinny jeans. Hello insulin shock. I had previously tried the blueberry lemon cakes and I will say they are some of the better pancakes in town. But these suckers are too much.

So now I'm gonna turn to the redemption chapter of this tale. Surprise! It's a salad! Which almost makes up for the previous greasy, sugary mountain of shame. This salad has a lot of weird stuff, pickled radishes, peanuts, avocados... But survey says it's delicious.

The poutine. While this registers low on the health chart, wow is it good. That poblano gravy. Yow! Pulled pork is buried in there along with melted cheese curds. Good morning, heartburn.

I couldn't leave you without slapping you with this foot-long huevos rancheros dog. Guac, corn chips, fried egg, black beans. I'd rather have either a plain hot dog or huevos rancheros. This is just stupid.

Should I expect fresh OJ and lighter fare from a diner concept? Maybe not, but this is 2015 and we know a lot more about what good food should be. Call me a carb buzz kill, but I prefer more consciousness and less gluttony. Goodnight.

Burch ***3.5/5 stars

Welcome to Burch, former home of Burch Pharmacy and the mustache-inscribed face of infamous real estate tycoon, Cotty Lowry. Those were the days... But something good has moved in, something to sooth the pain in a different way. It's a place that takes brunch pretty damn seriously. Our kind o' people...

Burch is making great use of natural light. Those large holiday-themed window displays have opened up to a full view of the Hennepin side of Lowry Hill. Every time I see a view like this, I think of the first snowfall and being safe inside the loving arms of comfort food and boozy cocktails watching the cruelty of mother nature set in. Brace yourselves, it's coming...

 

Here's the morning medication line-up: A tomatillo bloody, a Blushing Mimosa with blood orange, and something called a Watermelon Wake-Up. The bloody is okay, but missing something. The mimosa is standard and the Watermelon with gin and mint tastes like the dregs of a cocktail... What was sold to me as a fresh eye-opener, tasted like... well... nothing.

Before you get too bummed out, their basic bloody is totally decent.

The food menu is exciting. Lots of options, both sweet and savory. We ordered the Financier for a Brunchitizer™, which are little pastries with jelly filling. Frency Jon was super excited to see if they stood up to his standards. He says they were "pretty good". I guess we'll consider that a win...

Another Brunchitizer, the Fried Taleggio Skins with Chimichurri, tasted like heaven, but the portion was ridiculous for $7. It's a super tease-y whisper of fried cheese.

And another... the potato cake wrapped in a paper packet, Micky D's style. Not sure why that's so impressive, but it tasted good.

The seasonal quiche was delightful.

"Oh, them biscuits." We had to order two of these house-made magical, flaky, buttery babies. And there's your basic omelette.

The minute I saw Eggs Cacio e Pepe with fried oysters I was sold. It's a real treasure. I wanted to chase it with some greens, but be warned, that "mixed green" salad is full of fucking frisee.

 

A beautifully-executed benny withe super crusty grilled bread:

Holy mother of god, it's crab toast with buerre blanc. I'm balling my fists and punching the air in aggressive excitement. C'mon. Seriously. Look at this shit:

We ate all of the food. Burch has PLENTY of space for big parties and is baby friendly, for you unfortunate souls who have babies... Go be annoying and indulge. Cheers from the Bad Eggs crew.

Cafe Corazón Milwaukee ****4/5 stars

Today is special. We don't typically review brunch in cities other than MPLS (or St. Paul, the lost, forbidden city), but sometimes a place just grabs you by the cahones and whispers, "Siiiiiiiii." Welcome to Cafe Corazón, Milwaukee. Just a short 5-hour drive and you could be sipping tequila and chowin' huevos at this River West neighborhood gem.

Let me tell you, this place is cute as hell. Lots of Mexican art and religious ephemera. Arranged in perfect randomness, a shrine to the brunch gods, and they dig it.

The place was jammin', but we didn't have to wait long for a table. We chose first available (due to hangover-induced hunger) and were seated inside, but the patio looked like it would have been worth the wait.

We scoped the menu, which was well-designed and well-laminated and ordered up some beverages. Cafe Ole = coffee with your choice of booze and whipped cream. Nicki chose Rumchata. Good girl.

I decided to go for the sparkling citrus margarita. I will say, seasoned as I am, that tequila for breakfast is pretty intense, but a few days in Milwaukee puts a sparkle in your eye and a few extra hairs on your chest. I was all in.

The menu is great. It features some classic gringo stuff, lots of Mexican awesomeness, and veggie and vegan options for the hippies. First up is the breakfast tostadas with roasted veggies = super fresh, tasty times.

Chilaquiles with chorizo: there are multiple options for meat/non-meat accompaniments to this dish.

Migas: eggs scrambled with tortilla strips, crispy ass bacon–what it lacks in beauty it makes up for in flavor.

I wish I could have tasted almost everything on the menu, well, I wish that all the time, but seriously, this place is pure magic. Listen... Corazón is calling you...

Hola Arepa ****4/5 stars

Hey-yo. We're back with a report from our hood. Eat Street keeps getting eatier. And brunchier.

Vintage food truck.

I've been avoiding Hola brunch. Maybe because it's too close. Too easy. Like dating your cousin. Or something... But having heard substantial raving, I decided to put on my flip flops and saunter over to the land of salsa, succulants and taco pancakes.

Hello, aqua everything. I ain't mad at that. It is somewhat of a desert oasis next to the cheap donuts and beef jerky of Super America. Some remember El Pariso, which was anything but paradise with their pre-mix margs and cheese-murdered everything. The transformation alone is worth an extra star.

We opted for inside seating vs. the no vacancy patio. (It's ALWAYS full.) The problem with sitting inside Hola is that the grease from frying arepas tends to permiate your entire being. But this morning, the air was pretty light.

This is what sobriety does to your morning.

They have fresh OJ. Score one more star.

The beautiful people approve.

The brunch menu, like the dinner, is Latin/South American inspired. Into it. Yuca, arepas, fried chicken, roasted meats. But, your only sweet satisfactions are the yogurt flan and the mini churros. We got some of the latter to share. Sorry, flan freaks. I have no report for you.

So our group was able to order the entire entré menu today. You get a full review. First, and probably the best: The Fried Chicken & Cachapas. If someone can explain the difference between a cachapa and an arepa, please let me know. They both look like cornmeal pancakes to me. The crispiness and flavor of this dish was so spot on. Don't forget that chipotle maple syrup, yo.

There's bacon in there.

Then we'll go with my dish, the Arepa Benedict. You had me at cherry tomatoes and arugula. But the truth is ALL of these dishes are elegantly dressed with greens. There was a lot of meat on this jammer, tho. Dare I say, too much meat?

Here's the Chilaquiles. Everything's kinda buried, but I promise, it's delicious under there.

The yucca hash (vegetarian option). Pritty, pritty, pritty.

And the Tamale Ranchero, which was the least favorite dish. Tamale was dry like desert, but still wouldn't kick out of bed.

I leave you with the breast of a young woman and her mojito. Damn, it feels good to live on eat street.