Urban Eatery ***3/5 stars

Chances are, you've never even heard of this place. When my girl, Bernadette, suggested it for a ladies-only V-day brunch, I had to look it up. The first floor restaurant of the prestigious Mpls Beach Club changes hands on a regular basis. I'll save you my theories on this, but let's just chalk it up to location.

Topiary, yo.

We had to park in the garage as valet was closed on Sunday...WHAT? I always smirk when the parking attendant rolls away in my rusty Y2K Jeep. Park that one next to the beamer, Joe. They validate, but only up to like one hour. If you want to get into it with your girls, it's gonna take time.

Our table.

The space is bright and open. Nice lighting and wood accents. Cozy booths. Quotes. Lots of quotes. Okay: If you're gonna put a quote on the wall, make it like one really good thought-provoking one. Or at least weird enough that no one knows quite what it means. Or maybe...just don't put quotes on your walls. Chances are, you're not gonna pull it off.

The menu has some great variety. I'm pleasantly surprised. We, of course, had to grab a bottle of bubbles to start the day, Lamarca being one of my favorites. Knowing that most joints over-do the OJ to bubs ratio, we ordered a large OJ, on the side. But siphoning it into the drinks was not so easy. The server, not usually attentive, noticed our struggle and replaced the glass with a carafe. One point for her.

"The most dangerous thing to eat is a wedding cake." - said no one interesting

My Mimosa and Me

Brunchitzier™ was a giant blueberry lemon pancake mostly lacking in blueberries and lemon. But it soothed the "I'm single and this day is just a rude reminder, so I'm going to replace sex with carbs" cravings.

Here's the bloody. It's good.

You're getting a wide review of the menu selections today, starting with a most excellent Steak and Eggs on a crispy nest of hashbrowns. My poached eggs were on the side.

Mexican hash. The tiny skillet gets me every time.

Garden omelette for you gluten-free veg heads.

Breakfast sandwich with fondue cheese for the carb heads. Rarrr.

Nicki got the classic experimental "control". The potatoes were special cheesy loaded things.

So... the UE. It's totally dece for a 3-hour bitch fest. Service was meh. Food was better than okay. I bet the view is great on a summer day. If you play your cards right and go with the low-carb breakfast, maybe some silver fox will invite you up to the pool deck for a post-brunch lounge, after which he will fall madly in love with you. Then you can spend your V-day anniversary here, gazing sympathetically at the sad singles in the back booth man-bashing and drowing themselves in prosecco. You've come so far, baby.