Mickey's Diner **2.5/5 stars

Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you think Mickey's deserves more stars. But it's already had its share inside these crusty, narrow walls... Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilo Estavez, Garrison Keillor and the great Lindsay Lohan...speaking of crusty...

This is your typical dining car setup. And they've been serving breakfast 24/7 for over 70 years. It shows. The servers have been there almost as long. They're over it. Like, wayyyyy over it.

The table-side juke boxes don't function, but the song collection is pretty killer.

Menu is what you'd expect. Omelettes, meats and potatoes. Cakes. Burgers. Malts. Hypertension.

Our server tossed this plate at me. Denver with hashbrowns. The browns here are actually pretty rad. Super chunky and crunchy.

A well-balanced breakfast. Good cakes, yep.

They will gladly serve those who behave. Those who don't they most likely won't. You take your chances when you roll in all buzzed up on Mike's Hards after a Nickleback concert at the Excel. Just sayin...

Eli's East ***3.5/5 stars

Juli, Kel and Nick joined me on the northeast side of town this fine afternoon for late brunch, or as Kelly likes to call it, alcoholism with a side of toast. If Eli's second location is half as cool as the first, we're in for a treat.

The layout here is pretty great. Comfy booths, warm wood and good lighting. 

Unlike the south side, the bar has craft taps, wine and all the liquor your little drunken heart desires. The menu here is pretty fun. Chipotle Cheesesteak Omelet, Brunch penne (mac and cheese with bacon and egg), Turducken Benny (turkey sausage and duck confit hashbrowns...what??!!) Beef Stroganoff Omelet...Huh??!!

Drinks first. Mimosas, screw ups and coffee with baileys...no espresso here. Baaaaw.

 

They have a tomatillo bloody I was wanting to try, but I accidentally ordered the house. Fine choice.

The lovely pastrami hash...if you think pastrami is lovely.

The spinach salad. #hbusa It was a bit over-dressed, and I wish it had fresh mozz instead of smoked.

One of the two things Nick orders regularly. A breakfast sammy. Featuring gouda, tomato, applewood smoked bacon. Rarrrr....

The atmosphere was good, the service was good, the company was good. Two thumbs up for Eli's East!
 
NOTE: the women's restroom door needs to be messed with in order to get it to lock. Juli learned this after she busted in on some dude with his pants down. Why he was in the women's room, we can only assume... 

Now if you're not finished yet, and you know we're not, head over to Legend's across the street to drink away the afternoon...

Cheers from Bad Eggs.

Union **2.5/5 stars

So if you want a club-style breakfast, and honey you KNOW I do, roll on down to Union on a Sunday for their Champagne Brunch. We got the cheapy  2-for-40 living social coupon, but if you high roll, you can get bottle service: $65 Veuve Clicquot & $75 Grey Goose. I mean WOW, what a great deal! Let me just put that on my black AmEx.

The Union rooftop is actually rather charming on a cold winter's day. We navigated the empty downstairs dinging room and climbed the 3 flights of stairs to sunshine fun time. The first thing you notice is the thumping bass from the club-quality sound system. Amazingly, I have no headache this morning. I can get down with this.

Our server suggested that the champagne was "cheap" so we'd better pair it with some orange juice. Ha. We did and it was a great accompaniment to our fresh peach scones. YOW! I could have eaten a baker's dozen. Note: they also have a $10 bloody that comes with a burger on the skewer. No messin' around so far!

Since we had a groupon, we were instructed to order the most expensive thing on the menu, so Bridget and I went with the $25 lobster benny. Nicki, always adventurous, got the eggs, potatoes and bacon. 

We were chair dancing and checking out the eye candy while waiting for our food. I forget that this part of downtown is usually full of beautiful, well-groomed men. Men who mostly dig other men. Sad for all of us single straight girls, but I appreciate anyone who knows how to use product and pop a collar.

The food came. It was beautiful, but to be honest, not amazing. This whole dish was cold and the lobster was a bit tough. However, the salad was lovely.

Nicki's food was great. The potatoes were mui bueno. I'm still hungry; I want more scones.

I could see how the retractable roof could be even more enticing in the summer months, but Union is probably not worth the price you pay to park downtown and drink a $40 bottle of $5 champagne. But if continuing the party is your intention, Union is the best after after party in town. Ciao, bitches.

The Mill ***3/5 stars

Central Avenue is weird. There are a lot of cheesy car dealerships and furniture stores filled with gloss black laquered bedroom sets with marbled mirrored headboards. And there are places where you can buy outdated electronics out of some back alley garage door. It's a bit frozen in time... it's a bit rough... But things are evolving in certain areas, The Mill being one of those modern, yet quaint refreshments.

While the floorspace is minimal, the building is tall and lofty.

Inside, you'll find a tight, cozy space with tables and booths and oh my dear god, A FULL BAR. My neighborhood in South MPLS has about 3 liquor licenses and they've all been taken. Sometimes you just need a good, strong drink at 11am, ya know?! The hard working men and women of Central Avenue know what's up. And they do dinner here, too, so that's promising.

This place was hoppin'. But we only had to wait a few minutes for a booth. They have little blueberry muffins at the host station to tide you over...

The menu is quite diverse. They do brunch EVERY DAY from 10 to 3pm. Hashes and quiches and bennies and the lunch brunch stuff - burgers and whatnot.

So we essentially got club style bottle service for brunch. A bottle of bubbles with several mixing options...orange, grapefruit and mango with some creme de casis (totally gross and unnecessary.) And Molly got a latte. Get crazy, girl!

So let's look at the food, shall we? These are the glorious cinnamon wild rice pancakes that I was jealously eyeing the whole brunch. Yeah, I decided to go gluten-free. It's been amazing, but I miss cakes!!!

And this is the benny with a side salad. Note: you can get your benny with lobster... for $16.

Another benny with potatoes... Kelly was not happy that they were drenched in goat cheese.

And here's the Ecuadorian Baked Eggs. God I love beans for breakfast. This was fantastic.

The Mill is worth a trip to Central Ave. You could kill two birds and get a used VCR and a faux gold plated coffee table...

Me and Kel.

This girl on the right survived brain surgery, twice. You're tough, Roach!

Cheers from bad eggs. See ya next time...

The Freehouse ***3/5 stars

They said it couldn't possibly happen, but another giant hops brewing facility has sprung up, and out, down in the warehouse district. This sprawling establishment makes Fulton look like a lemonade stand (don't get me wrong, Fulton is still has its charm). Freehouse is like the Vegas of brew pubs here in town, complete with giant digitized, sparkle and fade signage.

Freehouse don't eff around.

Big enough to have your german-catholic family reunion.

We ventured upon this estab on the fine, balmy 14 degree morning of Stuporbowl, the infamous winter alleycat bike race. We needed a base for biking and drinking, two of my favorite activities combined into one! DP says the bloody here is more than acceptable. Look at that hunk of cheddar love.

Captain my captain

So this place is pretty serious about breakfast, but they know how to have fun with it. The menu has some inventive stuff, like this musli with fruity pebbles and whipped cream. Huh? (It's actually really good. You might have an erotic dream about it later...just sayin.) A word to the marketeers, who think they're pretty sly when they wrote breakfast as "breaky" on the menu. Yo, it's Brekky, not Breaky. Breaky is just, well, something that is apt to be broken, like Billy Ray Cyrus's heart (every time Miley twerks). Prolly shoulda thought a little more about that one...

Any self-respecting high-brow breakfast spot these days has to do something with lobster and charge you $16 for it. This take on "toad in a hole" made me resign my gluten-free diet for the day. The lobster was generously portioned.

Someone always has to get the standard "farmy" breakfast. This one's a pile of cheese and browns and caramelized onions.

This is the veggie hash...eggs, potato, carrot, fennel, peppers, peas. Thanks, Beth.

 Mapping the route... We came up with a conservative team name.

The parking lot here rivals Walmart. Bring your kids and a camper, stay for a month. Or be cool and ride your bike. Teens above zero is a tropical heat wave! Peace out...

Paul rockin' his new head gear. Matt and Beth pop unlocking.

Bridget's ballin' in her new goggles.

The Wienery **2/5 stars

Jeff has been telling me that the Wienery is his favorite breakfast for some time. We finally got up to it on one of those recently rare winter days in MN where the temp got above freezing...

Nestled in the colorful neighborhood of the West Bank, amongst equally aged facades and the towering retro, candy-colored crack stacks, lies the Wienery. No surprise, this is a legendary estab. Since the early 80s this joint has been slingin' dogs. But it wasn't until '99 that Pat added breakfast. People speak fondly, including Guy Fieri, but we here at Bad Eggs know better than to trust a man with frosted tips...

Ahoy! Inside is tiny and wonderfully decayed...a couple tables and a long counter with red vinyl stools. Behind the counter is a disorderly order of old books, photos, prison bracelets and hippie art. Yes, when you get out of prison, your first meal here is free. Keep that in mind.

The menu is your basic diner breakfast fare. Eggs, meat, hashbrowns. I wonder if they trademarked the Wienie McMuffin...

Jeff says you have to go here when Pat is cooking. He wasn't cooking today. We got some food, but it apparently was not Pat's caliber. Here's my extra greasy omelet...

And J's extra greasy sausage patty...

I was definitely underwhelmed by the food, but the atmosphere was so darn charming with the the classic country jams and the warm sun dancing through this stained-glass wiener. I'd give it another chance. Maybe the next time I get out of prison...