The Birchwood Cafe ***2.75/5 stars

Buried in the neighborhoods of east MPLS, the Birchwood draws a constant crowd. If you're like me, you dread foraging the depths of continuous stop signs and pedestrians as you travel east and come closer to the ever impending doom of St. Paul. But I have to admit, this side of town is pretty swell. With the river right there and everything...all those ambitious middle-aged folk on the trails, proudly wearing their spandex, working hard for their lattes and organic eggs. (The bike ride here from the mid-west is pretty awesome. Mostly greenway.)

So this is the inside. It's stand-in-line-and-order-from-a-board style. So, if the line isn't long enough, you might find yourself in panic, trying to figure out if the chalkboard artist had too much coffee that morning...and what the hell business tofu and pickled radish have inside a scramble. Okay, okay. They have printed menus and I do appreciate their inventive dishes, but if you're not okay with fish or tofu or sheep's milk, this might not be your best best for brunch.

Oh, but they do make things with sugar and cream cheese. This coffee cake Brunchitizer™ was killer. 

And they do have mimosas...cheers!

This is the basic scramble and potatoes. Nicki was totally bored with it. But she's afraid of organic things. And true love. (The potatoes had some good flavor.)

I got the quiche. Apple and blue cheese and some other junk. Not my fave, but satisfactory. xxoo salad for breakfast.

Here's that weirdo scramble with pickled radish and fennel and crap. My nerd boyfriend loved it. He's clearly on drugs...

Okay, so I've been kinda negativo, but really I do enjoy the Birchwood. The atmosphere is warm and inviting. The service was great, thanks to Rick for getting us settled. And I felt pretty healthy when I walked out the door. I do also respect the consciousness that the Birchwood inspires with their food. We should know and appreciate where it comes from.

Namaste.

Don't ask.

Scusi ***3.5/5 stars

 

So somehow I got drug out to St. Paul again. Luckily it was worth the trip cuz Scusi is super adorbs. I found out that these guys are part of the Blue Plate club, who also owns the Lowry, whom I awarded 4 stars last year. 

Scusi isn't far from Mcalester University. Being poor white trash, I am not familiar with all of the fancy colleges of this area. Luckily Brandon was able to clue me in on a few important aspects. One, is that the school is EXTREMELY liberal. I asked if that meant that it was a bunch of ultimate frisbee playing hippies. He said, no, I think it's a bunch of lesbians. Okay, then.

So the dining room is very classic Italian atmosphere. Nice lighting, checkered table cloths, butcher paper and crayons for the kiddos. Our server was easy on the eyes, if you're into dudes. He gracefully fulfilled our wishes for coffee, eggs and copious amounts of champagne and fresh-squeezed OJ.

The menu here is pretty great. Lots of standard Italian fare mixed in with some great brunch options that I never saw on the menu when we were in Italy. I don't function on croissants and espresso. Some of you might fight me on that one, but I stand firm. Eggs are king. And mimosas are queen.

There's no hard booze here. The Bloody Mary, apparently, was invented at a New York bar in France. Or was it a French bar in New York???

Brunchitizer™!!!! These were donuts with Masala soaked cherries, chocolate and cream. I'll just leave it at that...

Lobsta and eggs with the most beautiful brioche. Somehow I had come to believe that brioche was some nasty crustless, dense, white bread. Well, maybe this wasn't real brioche, but it was fantastic.

Spinach and ham omelette. Those potatoes will make you slap your mama.

Here's your classic eggs, bacon, toast brekky with homemade jam. I kinda want to punch myself every time I use the term "brekky"... I'll have to reconsider that one...

And the number one reason we were lured to the netherlands = eggs benny with risotto cakes, arugula and a tomato reduction. Bellissimo!!!!!

So the coffee had some grounds floating in it, the dishes took a little longer than normal, but all in all, I would say this place is worth the long distance travel. Just watch out for the crazy liberals from Mcalester... You might come back to MPLS with a conga drum and a women's studies minor. #MattSharma

Blackbird Cafe ***3.5/5 stars

This review on Blackbird has been a long time coming. And they're lucky that I waited, because there are a few major things that bug me about this place. I've been to Blackbird several times for brunch and dinner and have walked away on more than one occasion with a bone to pick. But there are always redeeming qualities, and after my last visit, the bird is alive and well.

The first chalk-up to Blackbird is the killer interior design. Beautiful corner location with large windows, high ceilings and funky found items arranged neatly on the walls. Feels warm, inviting, energetic. And a literal chalk-up to the chalkboard menus. Love.

Second "ching" is the graphic design. The logo, the signage, the menus...Super fab. Good morning.

Bone #1. In a neighborhood where you mostly expect to find tacos, enchiladas and cervezas on the menu, BB apparently has something against black beans. While they serve several Mexican-inspired dishes, not one includes my most favorite breakfast accompaniment aside from mixed greens. Donde esta frijoles? This is a huge nicht nicht in my book... Sorry, my high school didn't have a Spanish teacher, so I took German, which I will probably never use for any real purpose other than to drunkenly sing German folk songs with my sister at stateside Octoberfests, and in cases like this, where my Ganglish overrides my Spanglish.

Oh fer cute. Each table is personalized with mid-western flair. The lamps really enhance the lighting scheme...and the tabasco.

The mimosas here are great. I know it doesn't seem like it should take a mixologist to make one, but these are good, and priced right @ $5 per. (FYI, beer and wine only...sigh.) Those are the swedish pancakes with cranberrys and currents. They were the special and they were magically delicious. BB usually has great daily specials with fresh and/or local ingredients. Bone #2 - prices here are more on the fat side of the wallet.

This is the Oxtail Hash. A staple favorite.

This was another special - corned beef hash with brussel sprouts. Dang good.

Now I have to say I'm an idiot, because I got the veal sweetbreads benedict and forgot to take a photo! It may sound adventurous to many, but I assure you, it was really tasty. The sweetbreads were crisp and salty and complimented the dish amazingly.

Mirror wall. I wonder if that is good feng shui? Google check: Yes, mirrors bring energy into a room. But don't face two mirrors or you'll get trapped in a vortex...or something like that.

Shout out to my dad, Rick, shed hunter extraordinaire, who would love all the antlers in this place. This rack above the dining room is very impressive.

So yeah, Blackbird is pretty great, despite their bean racism and lack of hard liquor. Put on your fancy pj pants and hit it up!

Tschüss bis spater!

Bad Eggs 2012 in Review

As 2012 is quickly slipping out the back door, I am sitting here, pondering my biggest successes and failures. One of my goals this year was to start a blog about brunch. Success! It's been great fun stuffing my face with huevos and sharing it with all y'all. I did, however, fail at making out with Ryan Gosling. I remain positive that this goal with some day come to fruition. You can achieve anything you put your mind to, kids! So, as an end-o-year tribute to my favorite MPLS brunches and my biggest failures of 2012, here's my top five favorite dishes...that I would love to eat off of Ryan Gosling's abs:

#5. Eat Street Social - Lobster & Eggs

Pretty much the best combination ever invented...sweet and tender lobster folded into soft scrambled eggs on a buttery croissant with a beautiful, simple green salad. Wash it down with one of their awesome bloody marys or the salty dog (grapefruit, vodka and bitters). Freaking awesome. 

#4. Lucky's 13 - Walleye Benedict

So, yeah, it's in the burbs. But I swear this is the best benny in the tri-county area. Beautifully fried walleye with perfectly poached eggs on light, fluffy corn cakes. Bam.

#3. The Lowry - Shirred Eggs

Eggs, ham, mushrooms, swiss, truffle, cream... Heaven isn't too far away...

#2. Lowbrow - Blueberry Buttermilk Pancakes

The best cakes in town. For sure. Super light, fluffy, buttery. Awesome. Get a little can of Sophia to add to your O.J. and call it a day.

#1. The Kenwood - Steak & Eggs

I'll never look at steak and eggs the same way again. I'd might choose this meal over Ryan Gosling. Now THAT is some seriously good breakfast.

Best wishes for the new year. May all your poached eggs be runny, your hashbrowns crispy and your mimosas 75/25.

Peace.

The Lynn ***3/5 stars

Uhnnn. <guttural grunt>. Hello beautiful window graphic and super stylish, modern logo type. God, I'm such a sucker for good design. Before I've even entered the Lynn, poised dangerously close to the gift shop of all gift shops, Patina, on South Bryant, I've decided it's the perfect place to spend a post holiday shopping brunch or post anything brunch, for that matter.

See those green glass things? Old telephone pole insulators. You know, from when communication wasn't wireless...remember, kids? They make for really beautiful decoration and are also part of an art installation that you'll see later...

Yeah, it just gets better once you are inside. Lovely single-bulb light fixtures, weathered wood paneling and bright red accents play together to create something more than your typical brunch/cafe space. I'm getting a theme here - some of the best inventions ever stripped down to their essence.

 

They've got the coffee and sweets up front, in case you're just passing by. Patisserie 46 supplies the goods.

But we were gonna stay for a while, so follow us to the back...

Oh, look! There an entire light wall installation made with those telephone line insulators. So effing cool! On a dreary Sunday morning, I was hoping that it was actually emitting UVB rays...

Here's the menu. Sweet, savory and not your average fare. But definitely what you'd expect from a more high-end brunch spot. I see lots of french words: croque, souffle, confit and fromage...so I'm just assuming it's all going to be parfait.

They have beer and wine and champagne (no booze) which is fine by me for today. I got this super strong decaf cappuccino, which would later give me the dt's. I wished it had more milk.

Here come the soft scrambled eggs and ham with a salad full of f*cking frisee. Don't get me started on frisee - the most awful, bitter, worthless green on earth, besides dandelion...but the eggs are lovely.

And the croque madame with a shredded potato cake. LISTEN HERE: this potato cake is the best potato cake I've ever had in my life. I do not lie. Salty, cripsy, rosemary-flavored goodness. Amaze.

We also had to try the blueberry stuffed french toast. It was nice, but I was missing some contrasting texture or flavor - maybe some citrus or some fresh whipped cream would have been nice...

So what started as a love story ends as a like story, but I like it a lot and would recommend y'all try this place out - especially if you're looking to impress someone, like a first date or an in-law of sorts. And remember to pay homage to hard-wired telephone communication of yesteryear and leave the celly in your pocket. You might find that real face to face conversation isn't as painful as you remember... Au revoir!

The Lowry ****4/5 stars

This is the Lowry. The old Hollywood Video - RIP - on Hennepin and 21st is now a burger/oyster/whisky joint that also happens to excel at brunch.

The interior is bright and warm with a fireplace and ample seating in the foyer. I love the painted floor graphics and the raw cement, the warm wood and the modern red accents... It's almost so pulled together that I was initially skeptical of the food quality.

We had to wait about 20 minutes, so I sat in the foyer and observed people's brunch attire. I am always happy to see that I am not the only one that rolled out of bed and zombie walked straight to brunch. Soon we were seated and admiring the little swag box on our table. I wonder, what does a person use matches for these days but to desperately smoke a cigarette and then instantly regret it?

The menu has some good options...bennie, hash, mexican, classic...and a good selection of sweet stuff. I was craving sweet this morning, which was out of the ordinary. I always like to choose my drink to contrast my meal, so I went savory with the bloody mary. It was really great, too. It comes with a huge chunk of cheddar cheese, a good pickle and a lime. Classic.

So here's the shirred eggs. Pure heaven. Mushrooms and truffle and cream and perfect eggs. Seriously unreal. The pancakes were pretty standard - nothing mind-blowing...wish I would have gotten the champagne peach french toast...

And the chilaquiles were fantastik...

 

One thing I don't enjoy is this random coffee mug. I prefer something over-sized and saucered...

Our server was a doll. Very attentive. I really wanted to stay and order up another round cuz everything was just so great. I'm happy the digital age has paved a spot for this uptown gem. The Lowry is hot. Go get sum!