Cafe Corazón Milwaukee ****4/5 stars

Today is special. We don't typically review brunch in cities other than MPLS (or St. Paul, the lost, forbidden city), but sometimes a place just grabs you by the cahones and whispers, "Siiiiiiiii." Welcome to Cafe Corazón, Milwaukee. Just a short 5-hour drive and you could be sipping tequila and chowin' huevos at this River West neighborhood gem.

Let me tell you, this place is cute as hell. Lots of Mexican art and religious ephemera. Arranged in perfect randomness, a shrine to the brunch gods, and they dig it.

The place was jammin', but we didn't have to wait long for a table. We chose first available (due to hangover-induced hunger) and were seated inside, but the patio looked like it would have been worth the wait.

We scoped the menu, which was well-designed and well-laminated and ordered up some beverages. Cafe Ole = coffee with your choice of booze and whipped cream. Nicki chose Rumchata. Good girl.

I decided to go for the sparkling citrus margarita. I will say, seasoned as I am, that tequila for breakfast is pretty intense, but a few days in Milwaukee puts a sparkle in your eye and a few extra hairs on your chest. I was all in.

The menu is great. It features some classic gringo stuff, lots of Mexican awesomeness, and veggie and vegan options for the hippies. First up is the breakfast tostadas with roasted veggies = super fresh, tasty times.

Chilaquiles with chorizo: there are multiple options for meat/non-meat accompaniments to this dish.

Migas: eggs scrambled with tortilla strips, crispy ass bacon–what it lacks in beauty it makes up for in flavor.

I wish I could have tasted almost everything on the menu, well, I wish that all the time, but seriously, this place is pure magic. Listen... Corazón is calling you...

Hola Arepa ****4/5 stars

Hey-yo. We're back with a report from our hood. Eat Street keeps getting eatier. And brunchier.

Vintage food truck.

I've been avoiding Hola brunch. Maybe because it's too close. Too easy. Like dating your cousin. Or something... But having heard substantial raving, I decided to put on my flip flops and saunter over to the land of salsa, succulants and taco pancakes.

Hello, aqua everything. I ain't mad at that. It is somewhat of a desert oasis next to the cheap donuts and beef jerky of Super America. Some remember El Pariso, which was anything but paradise with their pre-mix margs and cheese-murdered everything. The transformation alone is worth an extra star.

We opted for inside seating vs. the no vacancy patio. (It's ALWAYS full.) The problem with sitting inside Hola is that the grease from frying arepas tends to permiate your entire being. But this morning, the air was pretty light.

This is what sobriety does to your morning.

They have fresh OJ. Score one more star.

The beautiful people approve.

The brunch menu, like the dinner, is Latin/South American inspired. Into it. Yuca, arepas, fried chicken, roasted meats. But, your only sweet satisfactions are the yogurt flan and the mini churros. We got some of the latter to share. Sorry, flan freaks. I have no report for you.

So our group was able to order the entire entré menu today. You get a full review. First, and probably the best: The Fried Chicken & Cachapas. If someone can explain the difference between a cachapa and an arepa, please let me know. They both look like cornmeal pancakes to me. The crispiness and flavor of this dish was so spot on. Don't forget that chipotle maple syrup, yo.

There's bacon in there.

Then we'll go with my dish, the Arepa Benedict. You had me at cherry tomatoes and arugula. But the truth is ALL of these dishes are elegantly dressed with greens. There was a lot of meat on this jammer, tho. Dare I say, too much meat?

Here's the Chilaquiles. Everything's kinda buried, but I promise, it's delicious under there.

The yucca hash (vegetarian option). Pritty, pritty, pritty.

And the Tamale Ranchero, which was the least favorite dish. Tamale was dry like desert, but still wouldn't kick out of bed.

I leave you with the breast of a young woman and her mojito. Damn, it feels good to live on eat street.

Lucia's ****4/5 stars

Lucia's. Say it like, Loooosha's. Like you've just gotten lip injections and it's a big secret. Like you drove your BMW here and someone else parked it for you. Say it like you don't care, but you do.

Lucia's is a treat. A perfect piece of proper smack dab in the middle of Uptown. You can fill your wedding registry at CB2, buy your invites at paper source and relax with a bottle of champs while you plan your honeymoon in Barbados. Two blocks down people are having 2-for-1 rails in their IPA-stained, walk-of-shame clothes. Not we. We clean-underwear fancy.

We sat at a two top on the adorable sidewalk patio sprinkled with puppies and promptly ordered a greyhound and a black coffee. I flinched a bit at the $9 price tag, but the fresh-squeezed juice made me want to drop billz. The coffee is a Morningstar special blend and it's goooood. Like, I-don't-drink-black-coffee-but-I-would-drink-this-black good.

Peep the bubbles list. Some day when I get rich and famous from this blog I will come here and order the Hebrart. Fuck it, I'll order two.

The menu is always based on seasonal and local ingredients. Today it was full of wants. We started with the pop-overs and hashbrowns with chives and sea salt. Dayum.

As we dined we were amused by various conversations–the old couple behind us trying to decided what to order for their dogs (they ended up with scrambled eggs) and the young-ins next to us recalling the previous days drunkin' festivities on Lake Minnetonka. We talked about what we might do that day–beaching, boating... Well, we didn't find a beach or a boat so we drank a bottle of cava and watched episodes of the Real Housewives of Bevery Hills. We fancy.

Oh, the food. Insert chorus of angels. Above is the asparagus Gruyere fritatta, so creamy and delicious. And below is the scramble with turkey sausage, peppers, squash and arugula on house made english muffin. Nicki wonders why arugula is just so damn good. I say, because god made it.

So much dogs. And hats.

Y'all, Lucia's is a fucking dream. Why aren't you there RIGHT NOW?! Go on... Git...

Betty Danger's ***3/5 stars

Sup, bro? Welcome to Betty Danger's freaky mini golf course. Are you stoked yet?

How 'bout now? Cool. Let's check out the "open air" patio. Fountain, horse head, fireplace. Check. Country Club kitsch.

Look at these jerks! Okay, the baby's not a jerk, but everyone else is. Notice that we closed our garage door. We were sternly reprimanded for that later... I'm not kidding. Place is kinda snobby, ironically.

Surprise! We're drinking before noon again. Bloody was okay, but not the accoutrement. What a disappointing celery shaft!

Okay, so you can't find effing anything in these menus...the brunch is all over the place  mixed in with things that are clearly not brunch. Like chips and guacamole. Chips and guacamole is not brunch. I'm going on record. Don't argue with me!

Biz-ness time. Here's Faberge Eggs: looks like hobo breakfast, tastes like fabulous. Brett Bullion, check that grammar and punctuation. It can't be right...

They call this the Montauk Meltie, but it's obviously a freaking quesadilla. Don't B.S. me, Betty. The word is that this actually tastes pretty jammin'. In my opinion, if your order a "Meltie" here, you're paying too much for it.

My Plaid Morning hash. This was pretty outstanding, not gonna lie.

The basic Clubhouse breakfast was extra special with corn bread.

We got more o' that. So tasty.

And pancakes for the table. Wow. They were delicious.

Let's wrap up with a large sandwich. The Eldridge is spicy braised beef with a side of mash. This is a bold brunch move, sir. Bold.

Oh look! Someone got a margarita. Notice the custom stir stick...

And, bathroom break. This bathroom is the prettiest bathroom in the whole wide world. I'm serious.

When you're done with that you can pay $15 for some biscuits and a ferris wheel ride. Tinder dates, get on this shit! ....Wild Horses....... (If you got that joke, let's be friends.)

So, Betty Danger's. Good food, bitchy service (btw), and a ferris wheel, mf'r. Worth a trip for the spectacle that it is, but not sure if it's worth a trip back, unless Tinder date is paying.

Word.